'Cause that's just life

Sometimes, you just have to bite your tongue and put on a smile and pretend to be happy. Sometimes you just keep pretending to be happy until you've been pretending for so long that you forget you're pretending and you begin to think you really are happy. But you aren't. But you think you are. But you REALLY aren't happy.

And that's just life.

One of those days

The morning

To start off - I woke up feeling sleepy and needing at least a few more hours sleep. I shoved myself off the bed. Dragged myself into the bathroom and was inching near to being able to possibly deal with the day.

After I get out the bath, my dad decides to tell me that I need to go and get my application sorted out today! Today is the deadline! Let me give you the backstory to this so as to understand the situation...

The backstory

As you all know I have had no luck getting anywhere in my field of study, and after the few eggs I had in the nest didn't hatch I decided its time to go back to school. So, about two weeks ago I went to the university and checked up on the courses I could likely do. I found out whatever I needed to know to apply/register and so forth. I got home and told my dad everything that evening, including the fact that the closing date for applications is 20 January. (I unfortunately need financial help). He didn't seem too keen on the idea. So I let it be. I can't expect him to just pay for these further studies now. He mentioned it again once, but yet again, he didn't seem like he really approved. I tried making some headway, but eventually decided to let it go again. That was that. I was quite settled in the idea that this was just not going to happen. I heard nothing about it again.

So that's the backstory, now, back to today

I had gotten out the bath... I went into the kitchen, and I see the application form on the counter. Before I get round to analysing it, my dad comes in and tells me I must sort it all out and get all the information about it. I am quite annoyed and tell him that I told him everything the day I'd gotten it! So he's like well okay then go sort it all out and let me know later... (And I hate having to rush around and get things sorted!)

Panic kicks in

I start panicking and going all insane. I need certified copies of all my documents! I need to fill out the application form! I need to pay the initial application fee and hand in the proof of payment with my application form. Payment needs to be made at the bank and not the university. I do not have online banking/internet banking/mobile banking or anything of the sort. So I have to fill in a deposit slip and physically go to the bank and make the payment. I finish work at 2PM (if I'm lucky and end up getting delayed at work). Banks close around 3/3:30PM. And I'm not sure what time the office I needed to go to closed. My brain is trying to sort through everything and plan out the course of the day while I rummaged through my room trying to find all my documents. And lucky am I - I have no certified copies at all. I'd used my last certified copies to apply for a bunch of jobs that, hoorah hoorah, I didn't get.

Getting to work

I'm going craze and freaking out and still needing to get ready for work and leave! I managed to shovel a slice of toast down my throat and pour a bit of tea in after it and dashed out of the house minutes later than my intended departure time. And believe me, every minute makes a difference in morning traffic. EVERY SINGLE MINUTE! AND, I hit traffic. So so bad! I got to work much later than I hoped to. And the drive there was just pure torture and had me in a sweaty, moody huff by the time I got to the office.

Work

So I got to work in a less than ideal mood. Thankfully there were no lizards! (None within view at least). I tried to fill out the application form, but I didn't get far 'cause there was just not enough time. The working stay started off a bit slow. Then I got into trouble for a miscommunication error that caused a stack of letters to not be sent out on time. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown then and there for not having prevented the error from occurring. But, luckily, the matter wasn't too urgent and there is still time for it. So the letters can just be sent out by early this week. 

The rest of the day at work was jam packed. Work kept piling on from three different directions and time and space was scarce. I didn't even have time to eat a full lunch. And barely had time to gulp down large sips of water here and there. We left work after 2PM.

Getting my ish sorted out

Having left work after 2PM I was in a much more panicky state than I had started off in that morning. I had originally decided to go to the Liberty Midlands Mall and get everything sorted out there then head to the university. However, my colleague advised me to rather go to Parklane shopping centre. I asked her if there was a Standard Bank there, as I'm not too familiar with Parklane, and she told me there was. I get there and manage to locate the post office and get my stuff certified easy peasy. However, Rhodes had to go and much up my life and be difficult and make the degree certificates A3 sized instead of just good old regular sized. So I could not get a copy of my degree. I then went in search of a Standard Bank, to find that one does not exist at that location. So I had to go through more traffic to get to a Standard Bank. The Bank isn't busy so I think I'm homefree. Only one problem - I didn't have any cash. And turns out you cannot swipe a debit card with a deposit slip to make a payment. The teller wasn't even nice about it. She just gave me a bulldog look and told me no. 

Just my luck, it was a stand alone building. I bank with a different bank. So I could not just step outside and withdraw the money. And the closest ATM for my bank, was not exactly close. Needless to say, I ended up going to the place I'd originally planned on going to! (Yet again it is proven that my initial instincts are usually right). 

I get to the mall and realise that my phone is missing. Seriously?! I realised I didn't have it when I had gone into Standard bank but I thought I had left it in the car. I couldn't find it! I am on the verge of losing it completely now. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I need to get this application in or everything I have been through all day will have been for nothing. I want to just break down and cry - I feel it right there. But, I pull myself together and journey on. I withdraw the cash. Go and make the deposit. The only thing on my mind is my phone. 

I contemplate going to 8ta and asking them if they can track my phone. Halfway there I turn around and go back to the car - what if the phone is in the car and I make them track it and waste their time and end up looking such a fool. I do NOT lose phones. I always know where my phone is (unless I'm at home - there I lose my phone every 5 minutes). But not when I'm out. The phone MUST be somewhere in the car. Unfortunately I don't have another phone to phone it and check... And I cannot find it within eyesight. I looked practically everywhere in the car.

Now, to retrace my steps or to go sort out the application. I decide I rather sort out the application 'cause I'm not sure where to start with the phone search. I don't really want to deal with traffic. And I rather just get the application sorted out, get that out of the way and then deal with the rest of life. 

So I go to campus, get all my stuff sorted out (the lady there is so friendly and helpful! Just had to mention it, its so hard to find people who are actually helpful or even useful these days). I then decide to just go to Makro and see Sahil. I am going to break down. I need someone there. 

Good thing I decided that. After sharing my tales of woe and despair we decide to check the car again. Its always better to have a second pair of eyes. And, he's got a phone to call my phone with. He rings me, and we hear the phone ringing! But we cannot find it! We searched and searched! Eventually I realise it can only be in one place. It had fallen into the gear box! (Well that space around there if I'm using the incorrect terminology - cars aren't really my thing). 

I was so relieved. I almost forgot the traumatic day I had. I guess I can see the silver lining in there. Yeah, I had a rough day, but all worked out in the head. My application has been submitted and I found my phone! But, I still need to email the lady of that darn degree and if I wasn't rushing around my phone would have most likely not fallen into the gear box thingy.

Well...

 (PS: My internet and computer just decided to spazz out completely! Thankfully this post managed to save before that happened!)

Love is not unconditional

Call me unromantic and a cynic and what not, but love is NOT unconditional. That is realistic. And anyone who disagrees is naive, ignorant and immature and clearly hasn't truly experienced life. (Or maybe they've just lived an extremely sheltered life... In that case, awww, how sweet).

But, yeah, love is not unconditional. Neither does it conquer all. Nor is it all you need or simply "enough". Sure love is important and you do need it in life. But, honey, you also need money, wisdom, space, understanding and a good ol' dash of realism, amongst other things which are just too many to list.

Basically, love goes hand in hand with a bunch of other stuff in the real world. And love dies. Yes, it does. It slowly fades away. It grows apart. It becomes incompatible. Or it simply just dies. For whatever reason, it just does not last forever. Forever is for fairy tales and romantic movies/romantic comedies. I'm not saying that all love is doomed, that no love will last forever, sure, you get those that last, but you cannot expect it to be all peachy and the same throughout... It changes. But, that is not what this post is about, so let me just leave that there (maybe for another day... or not).

So you're probably thinking I must have just gone through a harsh break-up or been seriously hurt recently for me to be writing about this. But, I haven't.

Sometimes, when you read a book, you come across something that just makes SO much sense. And it just speaks to you. You feel it. And you just agree with it so completely. It feels like the writer was in your head and managed to put your thoughts and/or opinions  down on paper into words you just could not form. And they managed to make perfect sense of it when all you managed to do was expel a bunch of gibberish from your mouth.

This happens to me a lot (also, sometimes I just find a passage that is just so "pretty", for lack of  a better word. This must sound looney, but if you're a reader, you know what I'm talking about... If not, o well.) So, yeah, this time I decided to share.

I'm currently reading Patricia Cornwell's "Red Mist" (by the way, I've only been reading Patricia Cornwell novels for the past few months, at first I was skeptical, but I've managed to fall in love - fall in love haha). I came across this passage. Its by Dr Kay Scarpetta (the lead character).

"You really can't love unconditionally. People can burn and beat love out of you. They really can kill it, and it's not your fault you don't feel it anymore, and how liberating it is to finally realize that. Love isn't for better or for worse, through thick or thin. It damn well shouldn't be. " - Dr. Kay Scarpetta, Red Mist

 So you see - love is not unconditional. Love cannot be unconditional.

Traffic is bliss

Picture taken from Google

I started work last week (the 6th of January). I assumed most people would be getting back to work then too. So I was expecting traffic. But (and for once it's a GOOD but!), there was practically NO traffic! There were a handful of cars on the road. I reached work in 15 minutes at a cruise. No stress. No worries. Just a calm, peaceful drive. 

I head off for work today. Expecting to have a chilled ride to work. School is only back on Wednesday so I don't need to worry about the brats making my life difficult yet again. (It's seriously a catch 22 situation with these kids - I want them back at school so that the malls and basically everywhere will be more peaceful, BUT, them going back to school means more morning traffic... You just cannot win with these kids hey). I leave home. And just down the road from my house - BAM! Cars everywhere! 

So, clearly most people are back to work today (lucky dogs). (Maybe I can count this as prep for Wednesday...) Anyhoo, I am now going to have to work out the best time for me to leave home so as to incur the least amount of traffic. I will work on a trial and error method during the course of the week, with different times and routes. And hopefully by Friday I will have found a way to get to work with minimal traffic encounters.

Happy driving folks :)

Hi, my middle name is Rejection

It's now going on the third year that I am unemployed. Okay, so technically I'm NOT unemployed - I've been working as a sort of pseudo secretary since July 2012. But, that is NOT what I studied for. It is not what I spent tons of money studying to do! I'm a writer. That's what I want to be paid to do! Alas, no one seems to agree with me. And they just don't think I'm good enough. So, what to do... *shoulder shrug*

Last year I applied for the Times media scholarship. Thinking, hey this is ideal, its perfect for me - no prior work experience required and you're taken on as an intern to learn the ropes and then see how you fair...

I put my all into that application. I prayed about it every night. And I actually had a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this is what I was waiting for. This is my opportunity. But, I was not good enough. The final date to be notified if you were accepted came and went. I heard nothing. And it was left to me to assume that I did not get a position for the internship. No, "we regret to inform you that your application has been unsuccessful" or anything. Just nothing. It would have been nice if they at least let me know it was unsuccessful and why. So that at least in the future I will know what to work on to better my applications and writing... But hey, they don't have the time to waste on us little people struggling out here for just a sliver of something.

So, this is the piece I wrote on the topic we were given. It was a bit of a difficult topic for me to write about as it's not my particular forte, but I did give it my all. So maybe you guys can give it a read and help me out... Let me know where I went wrong, what more I could have done, what I could have added or what I should have excluded, what I could have rephrased and so on...

Who cares?  Politics, Elections and SA’s young generation.

“Crippled  by  a  faltering  education  system,  and  unable  to  create  and  sustain  new  jobs,  the  young  –  together  with  the  social  context  they  represent  –  have  in  the  words  of  the  National  Planning  Commission  (NPC)  become  our  ‘single  greatest  risk  to  social  stability’,  ‘likely  to  rebel  if  left  with  no  alternative  but  unemployment  and  poverty’  and  a  potential  ‘hazard  and  a  lost  resource  to   society’.”  –  This  is how  South  Africa’s  youth  of  today  are  viewed,  writes  Lefko-Everett  in  the  SA  Reconciliation  Barometer  Survey:  2012  Report.

It’s  now  19  years  on  being  a  democracy  for  South  Africa  and  the  youth  is  no  longer  made  up  of  those  who  faced  the  “struggle”.  Apartheid  is  nothing  more  than  a  history  lesson  to  the  young  generation  of  today.  Thus,  political  parties  can  no  longer  rely  solely  on  loyalty  based  on  a  common  “enemy”  or  “struggle”.  The  youth  of  today  expect  more  than  a  government  that  is  riding  on  the  coattails  of  the  apartheid  struggle.

Despite  the  negative  “common”  view  young  South  African’s  see  themselves  as  “confident,  active  and  creative”  and  “they  are  optimistic  about  the  future”,  according  to  the  SA  Reconciliation  Barometer  survey.  The  young  generation  of  today  see  their  future  as  important  and  their  decision  making  would  thus  be  motivated  by  that  future.  On  “SouthAfrica.info”,  Motshwane,  a  grade  12  learner  is  quoted  as  saying,  “My  vote  will  most  probably  be  motivated  by  what  I  want  for  my  future.”

What  is  the  point  of  investing  one’s  time  and  energy  in  a  government  that  puts  forward  a  vision  of  a  bleak  future?

According  to  Statistics  SA  “Between  Q4:2012  and  Q1:2013  unemployment  increased  by  100 000  to  4.6 million  resulting  in  an   increase  in  the  unemployment  rate  to  25.2%.”  In  the  SAPS  crime  stats  for  2012/2013  it  states  that  “murder  increased  by  0.6%”,  “aggravated  robbery  increased  by  1.2%”,  residential  burglary  “increased  by  3.3%”  and  “theft  out  of  or  from  motor  vehicles  increased  by  3.6%”.  With  statistics  like  these  one  cannot  blame  the  common  citizen,  let  alone  the  youth,  for  becoming  disillusioned  by  our  political  system.

When  delving  into  political  matters  it  is  of  more  concern  that  the  involvement  would  be  to  the  betterment  of  the  nation  as  a  whole.  That  one  may  be  investing  in  a  brighter  future  for  themselves  and  others  as  well  as  for  future  generations  (rather  than  sustain  a  system  that  promotes  instability  for  the  future).

In  an  article  on  The  Southern  African  NGO  Network  (SANGONet),  Lauren  Tracey,  writes  that  some  of  the  youth  “have  opted  out  of  democratic  processes such  as  elections  due  to  the  disinterest  of  the  ruling  elite  in  responding  to  their  interests.”  This   is  reinforced  by  19-year-old  Thabiso  who  says  that,  “There  is  no  need  for  me  to  take  part  in  politics  where  everyone  thinks  only  of  his  family  and  close  friends.  Being  a  comrade  now  is  no  longer  about  the  development  of  black  people  or  the  country,  but  is  all  about  personal  gain”.

Tracey  writes,  “South  Africa’s  youth  is  often  seen  as  a  ‘lost  generation’;  one  with  no  causes  or  political  purpose,  an  apathetic  generation.”  A  generation  with  a “who  cares”  attitude.   But  is  this  really  true?  With  the  state  of  South  Africa  at  the  moment,  more  especially  the  political  state,  can  one  really  be  blamed  for  being  apathetic?  (Where  one  has  to  live  in  the  hope  that  their  one  vote  MIGHT  just  make  a  difference  against  the  masses  of  votes…)

However,  it  might  be  argued  that  South  Africa’s  young  generation  does  care.  They  care  about  their  future  and  the  future  of  their  country.  They  just  don’t  care  to  fight  for  these  causes  in  a  system  that  is  against  them.

First read of the year

A bit late, yes. But, better late...

Sooo, my first read for the year is "Heroes of Olympus: The House of Hades" - awesome book to start the year off with.

At first it was a bit slow getting into the book. And also a little confusing as I couldn't really remember much of what had happened in "The Mark of Athena" - I couldn't remember the ending, or pretty much anything! And, I have no idea where I left my copy of "The Mark of Athena" so I couldn't just go back and skim it over.

But, slowly, as I delved deeper into The House of Hades I managed to piece things together. I still cannot remember how The Mark of Athena ended, but I managed to make sense of The House of Hades.

When I first realised the next installment in the "Heroes of Olympus" series was out I was so ecstatic. I hate the long wait between the book I've just read and the one to come. Especially when the previous book ends on a cliffhanger! Sometimes I think it would just be better to just wait till all the books have been released then read them all one after another, but then I just can't wait!

So, anyhoo, to get back to what I was saying... I was excited that "The House of Hades" was finally out. But, as I said earlier, I couldn't really remember all of the back story. And that takes away the ability to fully enjoy the book. So I wasn't really into the story at first. Hence, it took me so long to get through. And I also found that I seemed to be finding the story a bit boring and predictable. Like, the heroes are all hunky-dory, but then they have to face this huge challenge, and it seems completely impossible and there's beyond any hope of them winning this one... then, BAM, some miracle or the other happens and they make it through... Sure, they get roughed up a bit, they may lose some stuff along the way... But in the end all's alright...

And so I was finding myself a little annoyed and bored. Also, the number of spelling and grammatical errors in this book! Gosh, its an eyesore. At certain points it was almost torture! Sure, a book is quite dense and so you expect one or two errors here and there - I've come across them in many books. But there is a limit. And the errors in this book have crossed the limit. Editors exist for a reason. I'm sure such a big name book, published by a big name publishing company, (the Penguin Group is a pretty big publishing company, aint it?) would have to go through quite the editing process before being published... I expect better from this series, even if it is a children's novel. I'm sure even kids know the difference between "he's and his" and when to use which...

Anyhoo, I pushed through all of that, and found that deep down, I still love Percy Jackson, Jason Grace, Annabeth Chase, Leo Valdez, Frank Zhang, Piper McLean, Hazel Levesque, and even Nico di Angelo. And that even if it is a bit predictable, its still enjoyable, and that as you read you still grow with the characters. And every now and then, there might just be a little twist here and there.

Therefore, though it was touch and go for a bit, Heroes of Olympus still rocks. And I now await the release of "Heroes of Olympus - The Blood of Olympus".

And I'm looking forward to all the books to read for this year.

Pug Love

We spent some time at my aunt's house in Port Shepstone this past holiday and while there we made friends with two adorable pugs. One an adult male named "Puggy" - how original hey... And a little female puppy called "Miley" (assuming spelling based on pronunciation). I managed to get some snaps of these two little buggers (which was so much more difficult than one would imagine)...

This is Puggy - I know, how original hey...

Puggy hoping my dad will share some tea

Puggy walking around like a king

Miley trying to eat my shoe lace

Miley - crawling and climbing all over my dad (also trying to eat him)

Miley trying to hide behind my dad's leg while I tried to get a photo

Miley trying to eat my hand (She was always eating! or trying to eat!)