Monday, November 5, 2018

John Smit's, Captain In The Cauldron

I recently read John Smit's "Captain In The Cauldron" and I have to admit that I had to eat my hat. And I did so with a humbled ego.

I was (and basically still am) a very superficial lover/fan/supporter/whatever you wish to call it, of rugby. And in this capacity, I have been very critical of a lot of the goings on surrounding South African rugby without knowing or understanding the bigger picture (as I mention on my Instagram post at nicole_naicker13), especially so about John Smit during his tenure with the Springboks and the Sharks.

But reading this biography has opened my eyes and I more than willingly rescind all my previous criticisms about John Smit and all those who backed him.

For someone with such a limited understanding of the game of rugby, I sure do have a lot to say about it. The thing is, I really do love rugby. But as I said, my love of the sport is absolutely shallow. I love it just for it being. I simply take pleasure in watching the game - basically watching men run around a piece of grass with markings on it, fighting for one oddly shaped ball just to run across the field and slam their bodies into the ground to score points. I cannot explain it, it makes no sense, but, it excites and thrills me and I just love it.

Despite this love, I have never been able to grasp the details behind the game, and I have made numerous attempts. I know when a try is scored. I know that after a try a conversion attempt is made at the goal posts. And if a foul has been committed a penalty is awarded to the opposing team and they either kick for goal or try something else (this too I do not fully grasp). And I know the points awarded for each. I know an obvious foul play when I see it (such as the tackle made by Englishman Owen Farrell in this weekends game against the Springboks). But I don't understand all the rules involved in the process. Such as why a certain move was illegal or when you kick for what or what on earth is meant by the advantage line! It's all, whoop! Over my head.

From early on in this novel, my views were being contested. My mind was opened up to things I never knew existed and I have to give due credit to Smit for the roles he played in South African rugby all round. He clearly played a vital role, one that I was too ignorant to understand. He had a still composure about him that made him the perfect man for the job at the time. Maybe this is what blinded me to what he brought to the table. I realise that when it comes to a leader, you don't need someone who is all flamethrowers and fireworks. You need someone who is calm and composed and able to see the team as a whole and work for the betterment of the team at all times. That is what Smit did. I will admit that part of what made me dislike Smit was the fact that I am a Bismarck fan and to me, at the time, having Smit on the field meant that Bismarck lost prime game time. I still do feel that Bismarck lost a lot of his prime rugby years playing second fiddle to Smit and I really wish that things had worked out differently, but then again, there is so much I don't understand. I am, however, holding out hope for a Bismarck biography one day.

Apart from changing my mindset on the grander scheme of things, Smit took me into the stories that I had skimmed while growing up and rumours that never quite made it to light. He gave me the "inside scoop", the behind the scenes of the games I had sat and cried my heart out for as well as those that had my mum hiding all the cushions and contemplating getting me a special "rugby" chair for when I started getting too worked up and slamming my fists into whatever was near me.


I recall that 2007 super 14 final. I was in matric (giving away my age here). The match was on a Saturday in Durban. I so wanted to go, but being in matric meant having to make sacrifices (fat lot of good that did). Furthermore, I had tuition classes on the day of the match and my parents wouldn't let me skip. But I refused to acknowledge missing the match. So I recorded the match. Avoided all media whatsoever the entire time. (This was easier back then when cell phones weren't so common and the internet wasn't as easily accessible as it is today, also I didn't own a cell phone till I finished school). I made my dad keep the car radio off on the way home. 
My parents knew the score. But they had to keep any signs of it to themselves. I got home and put on that tape. Back then I was much more passionate about the game, I was also more temperamental. I'd punch the furniture and jump and shout and dance in accordance with what was happening on the field. I don't remember the details of the game. But that feeling. When they just lost. That heartache. So close, but just to miss it. And now to read John Smit's account of it... To find out the little niggles that could have been avoided that could have resulted in a different ending... But that's life hey... Everything happens for a reason? But reading his account of it. His first-hand experience and his emotions, I felt like I was sitting beside him on the bench in the field that day. I teared up reading this chapter. And wow. I see it from a different side now.


This was just one incident, I felt this way about so many incidents in this book. It felt like I was transported back in time, only this time I was reliving my own experience of events as well as experiencing Smit's experience of it.

I actually wept while reading this book. many times. It may sound silly to cry while reading a book about rugby, but it was just emotional. I don't know if that speaks more to John Smit or his co-author, Mike Greenaway, or if it speaks more to my emotional state of being... Either way, this is a book I'd recommend to rugby lovers and maybe just curious minds in general... I certainly feel it was worth my time. 



Saturday, May 19, 2018

This Is Me


I saw the cast of The Greatest Showman on The Graham Norton Show and I was like, okay, I need to watch this movie. I saw Keala Settle perform this song on The Graham Norton Show and I was like, ah, nice song. But then I just didn't quite feel like watching the movie after that. Until this past week, when it was being advertised on Box Office quite frequently. And this song plays in the promo and it just spoke to me. It gripped me and I had to watch the movie.

So, I finally watched the movie last night. I loved it. Hugh Jackman is simply amazing. Sure, there is a lot of controversy around P. T Barnum but this is a movie, so no need to get all uptight. This is entertainment. And oh how I enjoyed this movie. As I've been saying since I watched it, after watching the movie I actually looked for the "like button" on my laptop to "like" the movie. I liked the movie that much. But more significantly, I think I have just been spending too much time on Facebook of late, so I need to cut back.

The Greatest Showman really just was amazing. It spoke to me. It called out my name and made me weep. And when this song sequence played, This Is Me, I cannot even describe it. Beautiful and touching beyond words.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Motivation



I came across this verse last week sometime. And I just meditated on it and kept returning to it all day, and I found that it helped me through the day. Maybe it was God Himself fighting my battles for me that day. Or maybe it was my faith in Him so doing that helped me see things differently and possibly approach situations differently. I cannot be sure. But, it is certainly a powerful scripture and if you're looking for some motivation, or something to just help you push through, I hope this will help you as it has helped me.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

My 2017 Read List



It seems that each year I push writing this post further and further down. This year it was not for a lack of time. This year I delayed this post because I was in denial.

I was in denial about having read so few books. I was in denial about not meeting my reading goal for the year. I set one goal for myself all year, and that's usually 'cause I don't like failing so I set goals I think I can actually achieve.

Last year my goal was to read 30 books. My 2016 goal was to read 25 books and I accomplished that. So I figured a good progressive goal would be to up it by 5. It didn't work out so well. I didn't even make it to 25 books!

Oh, the shame!

I can make excuses till morning come. Oh, I was so really busy last year ( I really was!). I just didn't have the time. When I was free I'd be so tired I'd just spend that free time eating, watching series and sleeping. I had a really long trip which consumed much of my time. It is all true. But none of these are good enough an excuse for only reading 24 books.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that reading 24 books is not an accomplishment. I believe reading anything at all is an accomplishment. The issue here is that I set myself a goal and let myself down by not completing it.

But, I am back on the book train. And I am more than determined to make good on my promises to myself this year. So I am reading away. Trying my best at least. But making sure I still have fun. We have to remember that reading is fun. So don't force yourself to read anything you do not enjoy (unless it is for school - sorry guys) and you are not obliged to read unless you feel like reading. It must be a pleasurable experience. Remember that.

So happy reading guys. And here's to a happier 2018 read list post... *cheers*

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

I went to the library

I went to the library the other day. Now this shouldn't be something worth telling, of course, because don't I always go to be library...

However, I had decided that I was going to abstain from the library this year. Due to my ever growing pile of books that I've yet to read at home. I thought I should maybe try tackling these and dedicating my time to them before borrowing yet more books. And once I was at least a decent way through a chunk of these then I could go to the library.

A small portion of my to be read books


And so I started. I'd managed to buy a handful of books on holiday and so I'd begun with these. I read about two books. And hit a slump. I couldn't find anything I wanted to read. I started at least three different books and just could not get into them. My brain just couldn't get excited for it. And I battled. I really really wanted to be reading and absorbing stories. But nothing was catching my attention. And I was dying. 

So I finally decided that that was it. This torture was enough. I will go to the library. And so I "rewarded" myself with a trip to the library. I told myself that I'd just get one book. Just to help me along. Let's not get carried away. Get one outsider to help me along with my reading. Yeaaaah, as can be assumed, that didn't quite go as planned. I came out with five books. ðŸ™ˆ

And I am so excited about all five of these books!
My library books 

My theory is, when buying books I'm a bit fussier and play it a bit safe. Sticking to authors and titles I know and have heard of. Story types I know I like. And so I end up with a ton of similar stuff in my collection at home. However, when I borrow books, my money is not at risk of being wasted here, so I'm more likely to just borrow any old thing that catches my eye. And sometimes these end up being the most exciting reads! 

So to everyone out there who's got a huge to be read pile at home but still buys more books and goes out borrowing more - don't let anyone make you feel guilty! Also it's your life so you should do what you want. 

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Am I not allowed a just me moment


We live in such a "me, me, me" society. People are all so full of themselves. All they can see is them. Nothing beyond. I do admit that I am also quite self absorbed, I'm not above it. Human beings have just become such overly self absorbed creatures. That they may be surprised to find out that not everything revolves around them.

Sometimes people go through things that are just about them. They are just having a rough time generally. And they need to detach or have a getaway or just retreat from everything and everyone and just be. This is about the individual! And one should be able to just do so. Without explanation to anyone. You need to do you.

But, the self absorbed creatures that humans are, must make it all about themselves. "Oh, did I do something to offend you? Did I do something wrong? If I did I'm so sorry." Well, sorry, but my life is bigger than just you. And my life consists of numerous things beyond one individual. So, why now give me a further problem. I'm going through my own things, but now you inflict your insecurities on me and play victim and I now have to take on this problem along with everything else. This is part of what is so wrong with the world. However, if you're so quickly to jump to conclusions, it makes me think you have something to feel guilty about. You won't feel the need to apologise if something has not being eating away at your conscience. So go ahead and repent, but don't make your problem mine. 

Because I needed time to myself to make myself whole again in order to just get through life, but now I have to placate you. Every other single day is about everyone else. Helping their problems. Being there for them. Can they not just give you the one or two days for you! So while focusing on you, yet again, what happens to me... 

We as humans need to take a step back. And think. We need to stop being so imposing and self absorbed. And stop with playing the victim all the time. Think about it. Don't play the victim if you are not. Most of the time, the victims go by in silence and it's the ones crying wolf holding the biggest guns.

Simply though, try to be more mindful. Think. Don't make your problem everyone else's. Not everything is about you. Sometimes you just need to let people be.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Your now is not your forever

Image courtesy of The Artidote
I feel like I've been in a rut. For a while. A deep rut. Life didn't turn out the way I expected it would.  I was so naive. I felt like I was so full of potential and would amount to so much in life. But, that didn't happen. No one warned me.

My degree took longer than I planned to complete. I didn't get to complete the degree I started. And I didn't even get to do the subjects I'd wanted to. No one warned me.

I didn't get my dream job immediately after university. I didn't get my dream job for months after university. I didn't get any job for months after university. No one warned me.

I took up a part time temp job as a receptionist. It was meant to last three months. I'm now there for five years. It was just meant to help fill the time till something more substantial came along. Nothing substantial came along. No one warned me.

That first year after completing my studies, I applied for a myriad of jobs across the board. Nothing came of it. I kept applying. Every day. Slowly, it became too much. The constant rejection became too much. So I stopped applying. Why waste the time... Why go through that stress and turmoil... For nothing... No one warned me.

So now I sit at the same job for five years. I have two degrees to my name, and I'm a receptionist/secretary. Day in, day out, its the same. Never moving forward. Never gaining. Never changing. Basically doing nothing with my life.

People think I don't see the looks in their eyes, the words that go unspoken, the meaning behind the, "why don't you try teaching?"or the, "I know so and so, I'll give them your number or give you theirs...". They think I don't notice. They think I don't know.

It gets to me. Really gets to me. I try to overlook it and continue on as happy as I can. But, sometimes its just too much to bare. Knowing that I'm going nowhere. But then I saw this quote on The Artidote. The Artidote is sometimes the only thing that manages to pull me through a day. Reading a quote that so perfectly sums up how I feel and what I'm going through. Makes me feel like I am not alone. Someone else gets it. And, just because you've been stuck for so long, doesn't mean that you always will be. The time will come for change. And there's a reason for everything. (I hope).