Am I not allowed a just me moment

We live in such a "me, me, me" society. People are all so full of themselves. All they can see is them. Nothing beyond. I do admit that I am also quite self absorbed, I'm not above it. Human beings have just become such overly self absorbed creatures. That they may be surprised to find out that not everything revolves around them.

Sometimes people go through things that are just about them. They are just having a rough time generally. And they need to detach or have a getaway or just retreat from everything and everyone and just be. This is about the individual! And one should be able to just do so. Without explanation to anyone. You need to do you.

But, the self absorbed creatures that humans are, must make it all about themselves. "Oh, did I do something to offend you? Did I do something wrong? If I did I'm so sorry." Well, sorry, but my life is bigger than just you. And my life consists of numerous things beyond one individual. So, why now give me a further problem. I'm going through my own things, but now you inflict your insecurities on me and play victim and I now have to take on this problem along with everything else. This is part of what is so wrong with the world. However, if you're so quickly to jump to conclusions, it makes me think you have something to feel guilty about. You won't feel the need to apologise if something has not being eating away at your conscience. So go ahead and repent, but don't make your problem mine. 

Because I needed time to myself to make myself whole again in order to just get through life, but now I have to placate you. Every other single day is about everyone else. Helping their problems. Being there for them. Can they not just give you the one or two days for you! So while focusing on you, yet again, what happens to me... 

We as humans need to take a step back. And think. We need to stop being so imposing and self absorbed. And stop with playing the victim all the time. Think about it. Don't play the victim if you are not. Most of the time, the victims go by in silence and it's the ones crying wolf holding the biggest guns.

Simply though, try to be more mindful. Think. Don't make your problem everyone else's. Not everything is about you. Sometimes you just need to let people be.

Your now is not your forever

Image courtesy of The Artidote

I feel like I've been in a rut. For a while. A deep rut. Life didn't turn out the way I expected it would.  I was so naive. I felt like I was so full of potential and would amount to so much in life. But, that didn't happen. No one warned me.

My degree took longer than I planned to complete. I didn't get to complete the degree I started. And I didn't even get to do the subjects I'd wanted to. No one warned me.

I didn't get my dream job immediately after university. I didn't get my dream job for months after university. I didn't get any job for months after university. No one warned me.

I took up a part time temp job as a receptionist. It was meant to last three months. I'm now there for five years. It was just meant to help fill the time till something more substantial came along. Nothing substantial came along. No one warned me.

That first year after completing my studies, I applied for a myriad of jobs across the board. Nothing came of it. I kept applying. Every day. Slowly, it became too much. The constant rejection became too much. So I stopped applying. Why waste the time... Why go through that stress and turmoil... For nothing... No one warned me.

So now I sit at the same job for five years. I have two degrees to my name, and I'm a receptionist/secretary. Day in, day out, its the same. Never moving forward. Never gaining. Never changing. Basically doing nothing with my life.

People think I don't see the looks in their eyes, the words that go unspoken, the meaning behind the, "why don't you try teaching?"or the, "I know so and so, I'll give them your number or give you theirs...". They think I don't notice. They think I don't know.

It gets to me. Really gets to me. I try to overlook it and continue on as happy as I can. But, sometimes its just too much to bare. Knowing that I'm going nowhere. But then I saw this quote on The Artidote. The Artidote is sometimes the only thing that manages to pull me through a day. Reading a quote that so perfectly sums up how I feel and what I'm going through. Makes me feel like I am not alone. Someone else gets it. And, just because you've been stuck for so long, doesn't mean that you always will be. The time will come for change. And there's a reason for everything. (I hope).