I saw my primary school principal today

I saw my primary school principal today after 12 years. Okay, not 12, I lie, I did see him once when I was in high school about 8 years ago and he had remembered me then. I then saw him last year for a flicker of a moment and I guess he didn't have time to register my face, because he didn't say anything and so I thought he had forgotten who I was and that was that. And I'm not the type of person to really be the one to go up to someone.

So, he came in to the office today. I didn't expect him to know me after the last time... I greeted politely and he then asked my name. On hearing my name recognition registered. And he was like, "how could I NOT remember that cute little face when you were small". And goes on to say how he remembers how little I was and what not and asked after my family and myself.

He asked what I did after school, and I won't lie, I was shamefaced and trying to figure out a reason to explain my current situation. There is nothing wrong with being a secretary at all, so I'm not trying to belittle the position/job title in any way. But, I was one of their "good" students. And I know all my primary school teachers, especially the principal had had high hopes for me. So, it was a bit tough for me to be there in my current position. Especially after having studied 4 years to get an expensive degree and to then end up doing a job I could have walked into after high school.

Anyhoo, I told him that I studied to be a writer, though in my effort to convey this without using the words journalism or media, I ended up mumbling everything. So, I said I studied that, but could not get any jobs so I'm working at my current job and studying part time. I'm not sure if he fully gauged what I tried to say though...

I had always thought that if I were to bump into one of my school teachers it would be when I was doing quite well for myself and reasonably successful. And the teachers would be so proud and be like we always knew you would do well or make something of yourself. And then they'd go back and tell the story of how they met an ex student of theirs and the student has achieved this and that...

Okay, so I probably sound like a bit of a douche, but it's not that I had/have an air about myself or anything, it's just that I expected life to be so much simpler than it turned out to be. Yet, there are so many of my peers that have accomplished so much (and yeah I know you don't compare, I'm not, I'm just saying that others have done it and I don't know how and it sometimes seems unfair). So I was just disappointed that I didn't have "more" to show for myself when I met my old principal.

My life is nowhere near where I'd planned it to be at this age, and I feel the weight of that every single day. But, I keep trying to be positive and move on. Then, I see my old teacher and it all comes back tenfold.

It was a bitter sweet moment. I was truly happy that he remembered me but I wished that I had lived up to his expectations of me. He was one of my favourite teachers in primary school and was really and truly an amazing principal, we were truly lucky to have him. And having him see me now, it's like I've let him and myself down, as well as everyone who ever believed in me. And that just made me really sad.

But, I know I'm still relatively young. And my life isn't over yet, so I can still make something off it. I just wish I knew how and had more time. I wish time would stop running out and I'd get my early twenties back. I wish I could go back to primary school where everything was so simple and fun. I just wish a lot of things and I guess that's just what it'll be...

I wish.